I don’t even know where to start with this one.
Incredibly frustrated. That is how I am feeling right now.
When his eardrum burst, I trusted in the Urgent Care doctors to know what to do for him.
When I followed up with his doctor, I trusted her to know what to do for him.
So why, when I take him to the ENT, does he say that Bear needs the one thing that both the urgent care and his primary doctor have told him not to use.
Now who do I trust?
His ENT tells me that his ear hasn’t healed at all. That it still looks really bad.
That amoxicillin and augmentin won’t help him.
So, you’re telling me that for the past 2 weeks, my son has been on medications, diarrhea inducing medications, that are doing nothing for him?!
Now we try medication number 3, the medication that the other doctors told us to avoid. What is there to lose at this point. Let’s give it a try.
Aside from all of this, the thing that actually made me want to cry today was when the ENT told me that he has seen too much of Bear in his short little lifetime. Tell me about it, Doc. Bear has been through more than a lot of adults I know.
Bear is resilient. He doesn’t show pain like a lot of people do, but I know that he has got to be in pain. And now I know that nothing I have been trying to do for him has been helping.
It feels like a punch in the gut.
The doctor told me that he remembers him and likes Bear a lot because he’s the only little one that actually talks to him. Said he’s 3 going on 6. Isn’t that the truth. This doctor is one of the good guys. He sat with Bear today after the exam was over and played with his little Lego car with him. That actually did bring me to tears. He cares. I know that Bear is just another one of hundreds of patients this doctor has seen, but for him to take just a few minutes out of his busy day to play with my son keeps me hopeful that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel.
He’ll never get his hearing back, I know that it is going to keep deteriorating. When his eardrum ruptured it felt like the decline was put on fast forward and I’m not ready for this. We are learning to sign, yes, but I couldn’t help the hope that we would have more time to learn. More time to adjust.
But if we can get a handle on his ruptured eardrum and finally find the right medication to help it heal, maybe we can slow it back down a bit.
All we can do now is just keep trying new things. Keep going. One day something will work.
Right now, I just want to hit pause and cuddle my little boy.